Insecurities
by GorgeousSmile
Summary: Maureen and Joanne break up, and Maureen takes it really hard. MoJo.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, so um...wow haven't written any RENT stories in a while, but hi, I'm back for one more story. This was a request from **_EmZ711._ **The idea was hers my job was pretty much to turn it into a story and in return she will be writing me a Glee oneshot. yay! (that's where i've been lately btw. in the Glee section. love me some Santana) **

**anyway! So this is a MoJo break up story, and they may or may not get back together ;) Maureen is going to go through a hard time and yeah! **

_EmZ711_** also requested some heavy Maureen/Collins best friendship, so you will see that in this story as well! **

**anyway, once again, no I do not own Rent or anything that has to do with it. I hope you enjoy the story. **

**:) **

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><p>Insecurities<p>

Maureen Johnson grew up with insecurities. She was gawky and awkward as a child. In middle school In order to somewhat try to fit in she refused to eat, causing herself to be dangerously underweight, but if you could fit into a size zero you were popular. However, no one knew that side of Maureen. Even Mark failed to remember that troubling time because once Maureen hit puberty and she grew into her looks, no one seemed to be able to keep their eyes off of the diva.

Puberty for Maureen was a godsend. No more sitting at home on weekends. No more feeling lonely. She gained confidence. All her past uncertainties were gone...for forever it seemed, nothing could stop this rising start, heartbreaking, diva. No one could break her...until she met Joanna Jefferson and fell in love.

...

"Come on, Pookie. Let's go out." Maureen said walking over to her lover who was sitting on the couch, wrapped in a warm quilt.

Joanne sighed looking up at Maureen, "Can't we stay in for one Friday? I work all week. It's Friday. I seriously just want to come home, cuddle or take a bubble bath and relax, knowing that tomorrow I get a day off and I finally get to sleep in."

Maureen shrugged flopping down on the couch next to Joanne, making the lawyer bounce a little, "Sleep? You can sleep when you're dead."

"Says the woman who sleeps till noon almost every day." Joanne replied with an arch of her brow.

Maureen lightly giggled leaning over pressing a kiss to her cheek, "This is true." She said standing once again, "But I'm going to go out. Everyone else is going to be there and I'll be really sad if you don't come." She said her lips coming together, so Joanne quickly averted her eyes to the TV so she didn't have to see Maureen's infamous pout. Maureen was quick though and moved in front of Joanne kneeling in front of her.

"Maureen." Joanne actually whined. "I'm staying in!"

"Are you sure?" Maureen asked jutting out her bottom lip ever so slightly.

"It's not going to work this time." Joanne said covering her face with her hands.

-half hour later—

"I can't believe I'm here." Joanne mumbled as she followed Maureen into The Life Cafe. The only good thing about this moment was she could check out Maureen's ass as the diva walked in front of her and into the building.

As always the night went by with fun and entertainment. The boho's were always enjoyable to be around. Joanne never had any complaints about them...besides always being filmed by a certain filmmaker, but you learned to live with it. The only thing that wasn't enjoyable was how tired Joanne was. As she listened to Mimi and Angel speak about fashion or whatnot, Joanne was trying her hardest to keep her tired mind focused on the conversation. And when the music was turned up and everyone began to dance Joanne's lack of energy kept her seated for most of the night. All she really wanted to do was go home, read a book and fall asleep on the couch.

...

After another night at the Life Cafe on Saturday, Joanne was finally able to have a relaxing Sunday and then before she knew it, it was back to work Monday morning. She clutched her coffee as she took the elevator up to her floor, smiling as one of her fellow employees and friend walked in. Her long dark hair falling passed her shoulders, and lightly grazing Joanne's shoulder as she moved to stand next to the mocha skinned lawyer.

"Good morning, Fiona." Joanne politely smiled, "How as your weekend?"

Fiona smirked sipping her coffee before replying, "It was nice. Curled up on the couch Friday and then went to that new wine and dine bar Saturday night."

Joanne's eyes lit up momentarily turning to look at her, "How did you get in?"

"My parents' friends own it." She smiled. "I can get you in there if you ever want to go. You have to dress up though." She paused biting her lip, "The girls and I are going again this Saturday you should come."

"Okay." Joanne was quick to answer, but then paused. "Um...actually never mind. I'm not sure Maureen would enjoy a place like that. We'll probably be hanging out at the Life anyway."

"Maureen doesn't have to come." Fiona said, "Have a night out with the girls. It's okay to leave the girlfriend at home every now and then. It's actually healthy for any relationship." She lightly laughed.

Joanne lightly smirked, and then finally nodded, "Yeah... a night out with the girls. I think I like the sound of that."

Fiona smiled nodding, the two stepping off the elevator when it reached their floor. "Great. So I'll see you at lunch?"

Joanne nodded, "See you at lunch." She replied.

When lunch time finally hit, the two lawyers met in the elevator heading across the street to a nice small cafe they usually went too every week.

"So did you fall asleep as soon as you got home Friday night?" Fiona asked taking a bite of her food, "You looked dead tired. You have to tell Maureen to stop waking you up for late night booty calls." She playfully winked.

"It's not a booty call if she's my girlfriend." She smiled, "And no. We went out." She lightly sighed, "I seriously just wanted to take a nice long bubble bath and then curl up in bed and fall asleep. I wouldn't even mind sleeping my way into Sunday one weekend."

"Sounds nice." Fiona agreed, "I remember when I had a girlfriend I'd come home and she'd be all over me. I liked it... to a point. I mean when I come home from work I just need like ten minutes to myself and then I'm good. Does that sound bad?"

Joanne shook her head, "Not at all. I know exactly what you mean. I want to change out of my work clothes, and just unwind and then I can be all kissy with you."

"Mmmhm." Fiona smirked, "I am thankful at this moment for being single. Although... I guess if I found the right person."

Joanne smiled and nodded. "Yeah, relationships are complicated... aren't they?"

"Definitely." Fiona said raising her glass of water and clinking it with Joanne's.

The following weekend Joanne went out with Fiona and her friends, without Maureen and found out just how much stuff her and Fiona had in common. More than what her and Maureen had, making Joanne catch a glimpse of a life without Maureen and one with Fiona as her girlfriend. What she saw was very appealing...and it made her question her relationship with her diva.

One evening at home, Joanne was laying on the couch with a book in her hands, that is until Maureen walked in and took said book away and moved to lay on top of the lawyer.

"Maureen." Joanne said with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"Joanne." Maureen said nuzzling into Joanne's neck. "Let's do something."

Joanne sighed, resting her hands on Maureen's back, "I _was_ doing something. I was reading."

Maureen lifted her head lightly shaking it, "No, I mean let's do something fun."

"Reading is fun, for me." Joanne said reaching blindly for the book Maureen had tossed on the ground. "I was just getting to the good part. Fiona and I are supposed to have a discussion abou-"

"Fiona?" Maureen interrupted, "The girl who likes to eat snails?"

Joanne lightly rolled her eyes, "its escargot. And it's actually pretty good."

"Whatever Pookie, the girl eats some nasty shit...just saying." Maureen said leaning down pressing a kiss right below Joanne's ear.

"You don't even know her." Joanne said, "She's really nice, we actually have a lot in common."

Maureen pulled back looking down at her, raising a brow, "You eat snails too?"

Joanne sighed sitting up, lightly pushing Maureen off of her, "No, Maureen. She just...ugh...she's just different from you...and your life."

Maureen sat there stunned for a minute, "Excuse me?"

"She drinks wine, she reads books, she goes to fancy restaurants, she pays bills..." Joanne said, stopping herself from going any further.

Maureen stood from the couch, her arms crossed, "Sorry my life isn't good enough for you, Joanne."

"Maureen, that's not what I meant..." Joanne said, "I Just...sometimes would like a different scenery...you know other than the Life Cafe or the loft..."

"Not only are you putting me down right now, but you're putting my friends down too." Maureen said, "I'd just stop if I were you, Joanne. Just stop talking."

"I'm not trying to put anyone down. I love the boho's. I love them all. Even Mark your _ex_-boyfriend." Joanne said. "I just... I don't know."

"What don't you know?" Maureen asked, "Joanne...where is this coming from? We were fine yesterday. Did I do something?"

"No, you did nothing." Joanne softly said, sinking into the couch. "I...it's me. I... I need to just think."

"Joanne..." Maureen said confused. "I don't understand. I'm sorry I took your book away. You can go back to reading if you want." She paused waiting for Joanne to say something, and when she didn't, she spoke again, "I'll eat snail for you!"

Joanne shook her head standing up, "I just need to be alone right now, okay?"

"Like... alone as in you're breaking up with me?" Maureen asked, worry clouding her eyes.

"No. Alone by myself with my thoughts." Joanne said and then slipped away into the bedroom.

Maureen stood there, jaw dropped, "Well... what the fuck?"

tbc...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next day Maureen was up early. She slept on the couch that night letting Joanne have her alone time with her thoughts, while she was up most of the night with her own thoughts running through her mind, ones that hardly let her get any sleep, and it showed.

Her head snapped up when the bedroom door creaked open and Joanne emerged from inside. The sight of her solemn face didn't give her very good hopes for what was to come next.

"Morning." Maureen stood up, anxious to see how Joanne was feeling today.

Joanne looked over at her, "Good you're up...we need to talk." She softly said and Maureen slowly sank back down onto the couch, those words were never good. She walked over to Maureen sitting down next to her, but a space where their usually wasn't, was now in between them. "I'm not going to beat around the bush... I... want a break."

Maureen's face completely fell, "A break?"

Joanne nodded, "A break. I've just been thinking a lot...and really Maureen, what are we doing? We're so opposite from each other..."

"But opposites attract!" Maureen said moving a little closer to Joanne, reaching for her hands. "Joanne I don't understand where this is coming from all of a sudden. I hardly flirt anymore...my eyes are almost always focused on you."

"Just stop, Maureen." Joanne said, "It's not you..."

Maureen rolled her eyes, cutting in, "Oh how cliché...you're actually going to play that card. It's not you it's me?"

"I'm just...not feeling it right now." Joanne softly said feeling terrible, but her words were true.

"Is there someone else?" Maureen asked tears stinging her eyes, but she wasn't about to let them go just yet.

Joanne simply shrugged not wanting to give an answer.

"Joanne." Maureen said sternly. "I love you. I'm in love with you and I know you love me. You can't just break up with me and not give me a legit reason!"

Joanne sighed casting her eyes elsewhere, anywhere but the hurt expression on Maureen's face. She put up with Maureen, fought so hard for her, even got her to change a little and now she was letting her go so easily, it didn't make sense, but at the same time it felt right.

"There may be someone..." Joanne trailed.

"Fiona?" Maureen whispered.

Joanne sighed finally meeting Maureen's eyes, "Can we not do this? I just... I don't want to be with anyone else, I just need a break... to figure things out."

"You just told me that there may be someone else and now you're saying there isn't." Maureen said, "Don't fuck with me, Joanne! Just say what you have to fucking say!"

"Okay I like Fiona!" Joanne finally admitted. "We have things in common...things you and I don't... perhaps more. It just made me see a different life...it made me question ours, together."

"That's bullshit, Joanne!" Maureen said shooting up. "What? Just because she's a lawyer? Is that what it is? I... I... I'd fucking do anything for you!"

"Maureen..." Joanne sighed slowly standing as well, "I'm sorry. I ... I can't help how I feel. I love you, but...I think I'm falling out of love..."

"But you can't! You can't!" Maureen yelled, "I love you, Joanne!"

"I know you do." Joanne sighed again putting her face in her hands, "I'm sorry. This is just...not what I want right now."

"Well what the fuck!" Maureen said the tears finally being released and pouring down her face, "I don't understand...this doesn't make any sense to me."

Joanne nodded letting out a breath, "I know...I'm sorry. Please don't hate me."

"How can I not hate you when you're breaking up with me for bullshit reasons?" Maureen said storming passed the lawyer to grab her coat.

"Maureen, where are you going?" Joanne asked watching her with worry, she may not have been _in_ love with her anymore, but she still loved and cared for her.

"Why do you fucking care?" Maureen asked pulling her coat on and slamming the door shut.

Joanne's eyes stayed glued to the door, until she finally sank to the couch, "You could have handled that a lot better..." She scolded herself, guilt wrapping around her and tears leaking from her eyes.

Not too long after Maureen was pounding on Collins' door, her fist knocking until her best friend opened up. Collins didn't even have time to greet her with his adorable grin, before Maureen's arms were tightly wrapped arm him, eyes hiding in his chest, and sobs shaking through her body.

"Mo?" Collins softly questioned, wrapping his arms securely around her.

"I hate her." Maureen mumbled. "I hate her, I hate her, I hate her."

"You don't mean that." Collins said running his hand up and down her back. "Why don't you come in and tell me what happened?"

Maureen stood there for a moment, before pulling away and nodding. She swiped at a few tears as she followed Collins into his and Angel's very small, but comfortable apartment.

"Hey, hun." Angel brightly greeted as she walked out of the bedroom, dressed in drag and ready for the day, failing to see the tearstained face, "It's kind of early for you, isn't it?"

Collins made eye contact with his girlfriend, slightly giving his head a shake. Angel rose a confused brow, her eyes going from him and then to Maureen. Maureen gave her a half wave and then stood behind Collins, hiding her distressed features. She hated when people saw her cry. She was supposed to be tough, not weepy and vulnerable.

"I should...?" Angel began wanting to help Maureen with whatever she was going through, but when she looked to Collins, she knew this was her cue to leave. "Go."

Collins nodded, walking over pressing a quick kiss to Angel's lips, watching her go. Once she was gone he grabbed two beers and sat on the couch, handing one to Maureen as she took a seat next to him. Maureen laid her head on his shoulder, his arm wrapping around her shoulders and pulling her close.

"Tell me everything." Collins softly said. "Start to finish. I'm here to listen."

It took Maureen a few minutes, but she soon began her story and by the end of it a fresh new wave of tears ran down her face. Collins, as Maureen's best friend and the cause of Maureen's suffering, automatically felt some rage towards Joanne, but at the same time he knew Joanne to be genuine and couldn't help but look at this situation through her eyes as well.

"Feelings...are a funny thing." Collins said, "Mysterious."

"Fucked up." Maureen said, taking a sip of her beer, "It doesn't make sense. I love her, Collins. I love Joanne, so she _has_ to love me back."

"And she probably does, but she is clearly confused." Collins said.

"She's going to end up with that Fiona chick, I just know it." Maureen said her voice catching in her throat, the thought of Joanne with anyone else made her heart sink into her stomach, it actually made her feel sick to her stomach and glad she skipped out on breakfast this morning.

"You don't know that." Collins said.

"But she can't." Maureen shook her head, "Because I love her, so she has to love me back. She just has too. It's not fair to give me these feelings for someone and then they go and fuck things up."

Collins nodded. Maureen's logic made sense, but at the same time he knew how cruel and fucked up the world could really be and wondered if he should give her some tough loving, or if it were too soon. Because he remembered a time when Mark was in love with Maureen, but Maureen didn't love him the same way.

"It just does not make any sense. What did I do wrong?" Maureen asked, "I don't understand." She said running everything through her head to try and see where she went wrong. "It's not fair. We were doing so well her and I. Was I too clingy?" she asked and then began listing off a bunch of things that might have pushed Joanne away, her big brown, helpless eyes locking with Collins. "I don't understand, Collins."

Collins let out a breath, not sure what to say, all he knew was he hated seeing Maureen like this. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug, "We'll figure it out, Maureen."

"I'll get her back." Maureen nodded, although her voice didn't sound too confident. "I love her, so she has to love me back." She stated, almost trying to convince herself this was true.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Maureen sat on the ground in the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. Her hair was wet from just having gotten out of the shower, and even though she was done she had left the water running, making the small room sort of like a sauna.

She took in a breath and slowly let it out. It had only been two days since Joanne broke up with her, and it was safe to say that Maureen was not taking it well...at all.

She closed her eyes trying to relax, tears trickling down her cheeks. Her eyes snapped back open, there was no way she could relax with everything that was running through her mind. It was too much, way too much.

"_If I just... can find a way to get her back."_ Maureen thought, staring straight ahead at the wall, _"But she won't answer my calls. Why?"_ she continued. _"Maybe she's with Fiona?"_ She paused a sharp breath ripping through her lungs, her stomach instantly dropping, and bile rising to her throat. _"I can't stand this." _Her eyes darted around the bathroom, a bottle of AZT sitting on the counter,_ "I wonder if they would do anything..." _She pondered, contemplating on taking all the pills, but she shook her head, "Collins and Angel need them." Her eyes shifted, finding Collins razor, _"Just a slit of the wrist would end it all. I wouldn't have to suffer from this torture any longer." _She slowly got up on her knees reaching out. _"Just quick a-"_

"Maureen!" There was pounding at the door, causing to her flinch and fall back against the wall she was leaning against, "You've been in there for a while, are you alright?" Came Collins' voice.

Maureen swallowed hard, shaking her head clear, "Ye-yeah. I'm almost done." She said clearing her throat and standing. She walked over finally shutting the water off. When she came back to the counter she eyed the razor again, shaking her head, "I'm stupid." She muttered to herself and then left the bathroom, brushing passed Collins and heading into the bedroom to change.

Collins watched her go into his and Angel's bedroom, finally pulling his eyes away when the door was shut. He turned to Angel sighing.

"At least she's coming out tonight." Angel said, hope in her eyes, "That's a good sign."

Collins shook his head, walking over to Angel, wrapping his arms around her waist, "But she's not the same. She's not carefree Mo, she's all depressed Mo."

"That's what happens when you lose the one you love." Angel softly said, cupping his cheek, brushing her thumb lightly back and forth, "It'll take time, but carefree Mo will be back."

"I hope you're right, because I can't stand seeing her like this." Collins said leaning in to Angel's touch.

Once at the Life Cafe Maureen sat at the table, her eyes on the plate of food in front of her, pushing it around with the fork in her hand.

Mark watched her curiously, raising a brow, "Not hungry?"

Maureen simply shook her head, lost in her own thoughts, thoughts she wish she could pull herself out of, because these thoughts were all built around Joanne. Joanne and her and how they used to be happy, Joanne and Fiona and how Fiona was probably making Joanne happy right now. There was the bile again, her stomach churning. _"What does Fiona have that I don't?"_ she wondered, pushing her plate away and leaning back in her seat, the sight of the food not helping her upset stomach. _"What don't have I have that Joanne was looking for?"_ she asked herself again, so lost and confused, pretty much drowning in her mind and the water seemed to be over flowing, because tears were slowly being forced out of her eyes, but she didn't even notice.

"Maureen." Came a whisper, and a swipe of a small thumb across her cheek, "Hey, let's go to the bathroom, huh?" Came Mimi's gentle voice, tucking a stray hair behind Maureen's ear.

Maureen was slowly pulled from her thoughts, turning to look at Mimi, only nodding. She stood up, following the dancer into the bathroom.

"Maybe it wasn't a good idea to bring her out." Collins said her brows creased with worry.

Roger could only nod along, "I haven't ever seen her like this before. I'm actually concerned."

In the bathroom Mimi grabbed some tissues, cleaning the mascara that was streaked along Maureen's face. She made eye contact with her, the usual sparkle gone.

"It's going to be okay, Maureen." Mimi softly said, "Everything will work out in the end."

"And what if it doesn't?" Maureen asked her voice husked, "Joanne kicked me to the curb like it was nothing, and I don't understand what I did wrong. I know it was a rough start for us, but after that all I did was love her."

"And she loved you...loves you." Mimi said, "She just needs time."

"Time for what?" Maureen asked, shaking her head, "Time with fucking Fiona. The negative size 0, big breasted, supermodel lawyer?" She looked down at herself, rolling her eyes, "I thought Joanne was just an ass person, but no she likes the big boobs, slim waistline, and blonde hair type. I was just a fix for her until she could get what she really wanted. And on top of that the girl is smart! She reads, Mimi, the two of them, they're probably cuddling on the couch _reading_ together." She scowled, "They're probably fucking on a pile of books."

"Maureen!" Mimi began sternly, grabbing her friend's chin and forcing her to make eye contact again, "You're beautiful, come on you know that. You could have anyone. You don't need big boobs, you have perfect ones, and you have stunning, wild hair. And look..." She said grabbing the waist of her jeans, lightly tugging them, "Size 3 is nothing to complain about."

"Well according to Joanne it is." Maureen sighed turning around and crossing her arms, _"Thank God I didn't eat supper, time for a diet." _

"Maureen." Mimi said reaching out resting her hand on her shoulder, "There are two ways this is going to work out. Either Joanne is going to realize what she has lost, or... there will be somebody else for you. Everything happens for a reason, but wallowing in self-pity isn't going to help."

"I can do whatever I want." Maureen said shrugging Mimi's hand off of her shoulder. She took in a breath and let it out slowly, "I'm a big girl I can handle this." She lied, turning around to face Mimi. "Let's go back out there, I need a drink." She stated and turned and left the bathroom without waiting for Mimi to follow.

The next day Angel knocked on Joanne's door, waiting a few seconds before it was pulled open.

"Hey." She softly smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes, moving aside to let Angel in.

"Hey, sweetie." Angel smirked squeezing Joanne's hand as she passed her.

Joanne shut the door, and followed Angel into the living room, sighing, "I know why you're here and please, Angel, don't."

Angel looked up at her, titling her head slightly, "Don't what?"

"Tell me how upset and hurt Maureen is. I already know. I already feel guilty enough about the whole situation. Going into this relationship I never thought I'd be the one who would hurt her, I thought it would be the other way around and yet here we are. I feel like complete shit for hurting her and I just don't need you to make it worse by trying to fix this. Because right now I don't know how I feel, right now I want to be alone and just figure things out, right now...I don't want to be with Maureen, so I would appreciate it if you didn't try and force that, because it isn't fair to force someone to feel something. It doesn't work that way."

Angel nodded, "You make a very good point. And you're right, I did come over here to try and fix things."

"Which is nice of you to do." Joanne said.

"But I will stay out of it." Angel said

"Thank you." Joanne replied, the room growing silent, until the lawyer spoke again, "How is she?" She whispered, regretting the words, because she already knew the answer.

"Hurt." Angel answered, standing up and walking over to Joanne, taking her hands into her own, "Confused. Just like you are." She studied Joanne's face, "Chica, you need to figure stuff out, because this isn't helping you or Maureen."

"I know, Angel." Joanne sighed, casting her glance elsewhere, "I know."

"You two have been through a lot." Angel said, "Don't just throw it away. You may regret it." She paused trying to read Joanne's face, when she couldn't, she let Joanne's hands slip out of her own, "If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to call."

Joanne slightly nodded, pushing back tears, "Thanks."

Angel nodded, brushing passed her, heading for the door, "One more thing, Joanne."

Joanne lifted her head, turning around to face her. "Yes?"

"Dragging another person into this mess probably wouldn't be a good idea right now. If you can't figure out your feelings for Maureen, then why lead another one on?"

Joanne's mouth hung open, and then slightly shut. She watched as Angel gave her one of those brilliant smiles, waved with her pinkie finger, and graciously left the apartment, not before calling out one last time, "Have a nice day you two."

Joanne watched the door close, and her eyes slowly slid to her bedroom door, Fiona poking her head out, "How did she know I was here?"

Joanne ran her fingers through her hair, a stab of shame getting her right in the heart. It was just supposed to be a night out with the girls, but to compensate for feeling guilty about a certain diva, she drank more than she should have, and ended up coming home with Fiona. "It's Angel. She knows everything."


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you everyone who is reading and reviewing. :) **

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><p>Chapter 4<p>

It was close to three am and Collins woke up with a jolt. He sat up rubbing his eyes, hearing a strange sound coming from the living room. He looked to his left, seeing Angel was still peacefully asleep. He softly smirked climbing out of bed, pulling the covers neatly over Angel again and quietly headed out of the room to discover the nose.

He squinted in the dark, his eyes adjusting until they landed on the couch, finding the source of the sound. Maureen was huddled under her blankets, her body lightly shaky with sobs.

His face fell and he quickly walked over to her, kneeling beside her head, "Mo?"

Maureen sniffled, trying to control her tears, but she stayed hidden, "I woke you?"

"It's okay." He softly said, resting a hand on her back, "Want to talk?"

"I want to stop crying." Maureen whispered, "But I can't. What did I do wrong, Collins?" She asked, but still stayed put, hiding under the covers. "I don't get this."

Collins let out a slow breath, "I...don't get this either, Mo." He honestly said, "But things will get better, they always do."

"I'm not so sure." She said pausing, "I think..." she sighed, her breath hitching a little, "I think I just want to sleep."

Collins nodded, pressing a kiss to the lump he knew to be Maureen's head, "Come wake me if you need me."

"Okay." She whispered hiding her face further into the pillow. Once she knew Collins was back in his room, she cried a little more until she finally fell asleep.

The next day, Maureen finally decided that she wasn't going to live miserable like this, so she got up and showered, making sure she looked extra good.

"Morning, Maureen." Angel smiled, "You look better this morning, where you going?" She asked watching as Maureen headed for the door.

"To get Joanne back." She stated and headed down to Joanne's office.

When she finally reached Joanne's building she just stood outside of it, staring at the front doors. Sure she was determined before, but now she was nervous as hell. She swallowed hard, letting out a slow breath. She chewed her lip while lost in thought, finally deciding to run across the street and get some flowers. After purchasing the dozen red roses, she walked back over to Joanne's building and with the new flower power courage she marched inside and headed straight up to Joanne's office.

The door was thankfully open and Maureen walked right in, spotting Joanne behind her desk looking through papers. "Joanne."

Joanne's head snapped up at the voice, eyes wide at the sight of her ex. "Maureen?"

Maureen froze, stunned for words, something that rarely ever happened to her. She was a flirt, she should have been able to flirt her way back into this relationship, but Joanne was sitting there being all good looking and impressive lawyer-y she didn't know how to speak.

"I...uh...bought you these." Maureen said handing her the bouquet.

Joanne slowly stood up, reaching out for them, "Thanks, Maureen." She softly said, smelling them, "You didn't have too."

"But I did." Maureen quietly said, "Do you want to talk?"

Joanne slowly looked up, biting her lip and then nodded, "Sure. Have a seat I have a few minutes."

"Great." Maureen said sitting down, watching as Joanne did the same. "So, what did I do wrong?"

Joanne sighed, "Maureen...I told you, this isn't about you. I don't know how to properly explain myself I just... "She paused a moment and then carried on, "Can't we just be friends?"

Maureen's face fell, her heart falling into her stomach, or she was pretty sure it fell out of her chest. Nope, actually it shattered into a little million pieces, _tiny _pieces, ones she would never be able to put back together again.

"I...I can't just be your friend, Joanne." Maureen said tears starting to sting her eyes, "Please, just tell me what I did and I'll change. I promise." She begged. "I want to be with you."

"I... I don't want to be with you." Joanne softly said looking away as she did because she couldn't stand the look on Maureen's face. "I'm sorry." She whispered her own tears hitting her eyes, "I'm so sorry."

"But this isn't fair!" Maureen said standing up, "Please Joanne, please. Give us another try?"

"How many times have we tried, Maureen?" Joanne asked, "There's always another fight and another... and I guess it just all got old for me."

"But I told you I would change." Maureen said.

"I think..." Joanne sat back in her chair, "I think I changed."

"No you didn't. You're still Joanne." Maureen said.

"Maureen I'm sorry. Maybe I just need to be on my own right now." Joanne softly said.

Maureen sighed running her fingers through her hair, "And then we'll get back together?"

Joanne shook her head, shrugging, "I don't know."

"Joanne?"

Maureen and Joanne both turned to look at the door, Fiona occupying it. She finally looked up from the paper she was reading, her face falling at the sight of Maureen, "Oh, sorry...I'll come back later." Without waiting for a response she quickly left the room.

Maureen slowly turned to face her, "Are you two...hooking up?" She asked.

"Wha-what?" Joanne coughed, clearing her throat.

"Have you two done anything since you broke up with me, for no logical fucking reason at all?" Maureen asked, her hands fisting, if she didn't know what the jealously trait felt like before, she sure as hell knew what it felt like now.

"Once." Joanne quietly said, "But we were drunk."

Maureen's stomach flipped, her eyes fluttering shut.

"Maureen?" Joanne sat up watching her, her own stomach upset as well. She didn't want to hurt Maureen like this, everything was just so fucked up right now and it was her fault yes, but she was just so fucking confused.

Maureen let out a slow breath, walking forward grabbing the roses. "You don't deserve these." She said through gritted teeth, turning on her heel and walking straight out of her office.

"Maureen!" Joanne called.

"You don't deserve to talk to me either!" Maureen shouted back, tossing the roses into a nearby garbage can as she went.

Later that night Collins and Angel were ready to head out the door. Collins headed over to the living room where Maureen sat staring out the window.

"You're sure you don't want to come?" Collins asked.

"I'm sure." Maureen softly said.

"We will bring you something back." Angel said, walking over and pressing a kiss to Maureen's cheek, "Things will get better, honey."

Maureen simply nodded, not believing a single word. She definitely wasn't in an optimistic mood right now.

The next night Mimi and Roger came over to try and cheer Maureen up, but it didn't seem to be helping.

"Aren't you hungry?" Mimi asked, looking at the pizza in front of Maureen, but she hadn't even taken a bite, while Mimi was on her second slice.

Maureen looked at the pizza, shaking her head. Truth was, she was starving, but she definitely didn't want to feed her body grease or anything for that matter. Fiona was looking nice and thin yesterday when she saw her, so maybe that's what Joanne was into, maybe Maureen wasn't good looking enough for Joanne anymore, so it was time for Maureen to shed some weight. A few extra pounds couldn't hurt.

"Just think Mo, now when you go out you don't have to worry about getting nagged for being too drunk, or too flirty." Roger said trying to cheer his friend up, lightly nudging her in the side.

Maureen nodded, slowly turning to look at him, "You know what? We should go out tonight. Get drunk."

"I have to work soon." Mimi said.

"I'm coming to work with you." Maureen said.

Collins walked in at that moment, Angel and Mark following behind, "Maureen's going out?"

"A lap dance is always a nice pick me up." Angel smirked.

Maureen shrugged standing up, "I'm getting drunk." She said heading into the bathroom to get ready.

"She's always wanted one from you." Mark teased Mimi, "Maybe tonight could be the night."

Mimi playfully smiled.

Collins shook his head, "Let's see what type of drunken Maureen we experience before we start pulling out the lap dance fun."

It didn't take Maureen long to get drunk. The fact that she hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon probably had a lot to do with it, but Maureen didn't care, the only thing she cared about was drinking herself into oblivion, a state where she didn't have to think or remember anything about Joanne.

It was working well for her too. Maureen seemed to be having a good time. She was getting free lap dances, she was meeting new people she was all over the bar. Through Mimi, Angel, Mark and Roger's eyes, Maureen was having a great time, but through Collins' eyes, this was unhealthy. Maureen may have looked happy, but in her eyes something wasn't there. Something big was missing and he wasn't sure how he was going to get it back.

The night ended all too soon when Maureen disappeared for a few minutes, heading into the back room. Collins was keeping a careful eye on her and decided to follow along. Maureen was really intoxicated and normally she was able to take care of herself, but this wasn't any normal situation.

He walked by the stage and into the back room, watching a few people plus Maureen head into another room. He again followed; thankful the next door was left open a crack. He peaked through, keeping his distance, but still making sure everything was okay.

He finally busted in when there was a line of white powder lined up on the coffee table, and Maureen was the first to volunteer to go. He grabbed her arm yanking her to her feet.

"Time to go." He said tugging her out of the room, shutting the door. It was none of his business what those other people decided to do with their lives, but when it came to his best friend, he wouldn't let her do something so stupid.

"Hey!" Maureen slurred, struggling against his grip. "I was having fun!"

"Too much fun." Collins said, "Time to go home, now."

"You're not my father!" Maureen shouted, shoving him, causing herself to stumble back into the wall.

"But I'm your friend! And I'm not going to sit back and watch you ruin your life by doing drugs!" Collins shouted.

"It doesn't matter though! It doesn't matter, Collins! I don't have a life anymore, Joanne was my life." Maureen said, "There is nothing worth living for anymore! Who gives a flying fuck? The world is so fucking cruel, who wants to actually live in it? Heartbreak, it fucking sucks. I lost Joanne... I don't even understand why, and one day... I'm going to lose you too." She whispered tears spilling from her eyes, "Life is messed up! It's one brutal mothering fucking waste of time!"

"There are things worth living for, Mo." Collins said, "Remember a time when you lived for performing? Remember a time before Joanne when you were happy? You can be that again."

"But I want Joanne in my life to be happy!" Maureen said.

"Maybe one day you can have her back, or maybe one day you'll meet someone else, but right now you have to push through this hard time, trust me when I say there will be light at the end of this dark tunnel." Collins said, moving to stand closer, "I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but just trust me on this one, I'm best your friend. I think there is a rule about you having to automatically trust me."

Maureen sighed, walking forward and leaning into Collins, wrapping her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest, "But it hurts so much, Collins. I...never felt like this before and it scares me because I don't know how to handle it."

"I know." Collins softly said, running his hand up and down her back, "It scares me too, because I have never seen you like this before and I don't know how to handle you."

"Take me home." Maureen whispered, "Please, I just want to go to bed."

"I can do that." Collins softly said, pulling back, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and guiding her out of the club.

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><p><strong>I know it may seem like Joanne doesn't have a reason for breaking up with Maureen, but sometimes life... just doesn't make sense. <strong>


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_Maureen trudged into the living room a blanket draped over her shoulders, trying to hide from the cold. She quickly glanced outside watching as the snow slowly fell and then her eyes averted to Joanne who was lounging on the couch reading a book. _

"_Hey, Pookie." Maureen softly said, making her way over to the lawyer. _

_Joanne looked up from her book smiling, "Hey." _

_Maureen smirked carefully climbing onto the couch, moving until she was comfortably lying in between Joanne's legs, her head resting on her chest. "Warm me up?" _

"_Of course." Joanne replied, marking the page she was on and then wrapping her arms around Maureen holding her close. _

_When Maureen was warm enough, she lifted her head, nuzzling her nose into Joanne's neck, followed by soft kisses. Joanne smiled, titling her head to the side a bit, allowing her more room to explore. _

Maureen smiled at the fond memory, relaxing a bit more on the couch and diving in to replay the time she used to have with Joanne, only this time when she tried to go back and revisit said memory, it didn't turn out exactly as she hoped.

_Joanne slid her hand up, tangling it into Fiona's hair, her eyes fluttering shut, slowly running her leg up and down the back of Fiona's leg. Joanne then turned her head, brushing her lips with Fiona's, and then finally pressing them together for a deep passionate kiss. _

Maureen's eyes snapped open, jolting from the image in her head, her heart pounding. Again the thought of Joanne with Fiona made her want to vomit, and now her mind was taking her old pleasant memories with Joanne and replacing herself with Fiona.

"I can't do this." Maureen mumbled putting her head in her hands, a few tears leaking from her eyes. "I was in too deep. This isn't me." She rubbed her eyes, pushing a little too hard, but she didn't care at the moment, she wanted to try anything to get the image of Joanne being all happy with Fiona out of her mind. It was killing her.

"Maureen?" Angel softly asked, holding a letter in her hand.

Maureen took a minute, sniffling, and then finally looked up with questioning eyes.

"Joanne wanted me to give this to you." Angel said handing her the letter, and then some tissues.

Maureen took the tissues first, wiping her eyes, and then she took the letter, "Thanks." She whispered.

"You're welcome." Angel quietly said standing there for a moment and then finally left, leaving Maureen alone with the letter.

Maureen let out a slow breath, her heart racing a mile a minute. Slowly she tore the envelope open and pulled out the hand written note and began reading.

_Maureen, _

_I was going to call you, but I figured after everything you'd probably just hang up on me, so I wrote you a letter, which after thinking about it, you might have ripped this up and threw it away without even looking at it. _

_Either way I guess it's a good way to get my feelings out, so here goes. _

_I never wanted to hurt you. I don't even know how things became this way. We used to be so strong and then it was just fight after fight and I don't know what happened. I still love you and I hope one day we can still be friends. _

_I just-_

And that's when Maureen stopped reading. Joanne just wanted to be friends, Maureen wanted more. Maureen crumbled up the letter, throwing it across the room. She then stood up kicking everything that was in her way as hard as she could until she reached the phone dialling Joanne's number.

It rang a few times, but sure enough Joanne picked up.

"Joanne Jefferson."

"You think you can send me a letter and make everything okay!" Maureen yelled.

"Maureen I-"

"No! Just no, Joanne. I want to be with you! And for some strange reason you don't want to be with me. And if you don't want to be with me then we're nothing. We're not friends. We're nothing."

Joanne's face fell a little, a pang of guilt once again washing over her. "Why can't we be friends?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?" Maureen asked.

"You're still friends with Mark."

Maureen paused, silence filling the air. Maureen let out a breath, "Well Mark must not have loved me as much as I love you. Because I can't stand the thought of you with somebody else, Joanne." Maureen said tears in her eyes, "It hurts me so much."

"I'm not with anyone else." Joanne said.

"But Fiona. You're not with her, but it could happen, you two already slept together." Maureen said, "And you have no idea what it does to me. It drives me fucking insane."

Tears finally hit Joanne's eyes, and she slumped in her chair, "What does this mean then?"

"It means goodbye." Maureen whispered, "Maybe one day I can get over it all, but right now I can't. I hate this...I'm a fucking mess...I'm a mess over one person. That person is you."

Joanne sighed, biting her lip, "Okay." She whispered, "If that's what you need."

"I don't want to say goodbye though." Maureen softly said. "I can't picture you not in my life. I don't even remember a time without you in it."

"Me either." Joanne whispered. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too." Maureen softly said, swallowing hard. "I better go now, or I won't be able to stop talking to you."

Joanne nodded, only because she couldn't talk at the moment, for fear of breaking down over the phone. She let out a slow breath and then replied, "Goodbye."

"Bye, Pookie." Maureen said and then hung up the phone. She sat there for a few minutes and then finally just broke down, for what seemed like the millionth time since all this drama began.

A few weeks later at the life cafe, the gang was there for dinner. Collins looked up at Maureen's full plate, raising a brow.

"Mo, you haven't been eating much lately." Collins said.

Maureen's eyebrows creased, it was the truth, why did Collins have to be so protective. "I...have so." She said grabbing her fork and eating a forkful. "See." She said proving a point.

Collins studied her for a moment, watching her eat, and then looked away.

Maureen slowly chewed, wondering how much of this was going to turn into fat. She definitely had to keep the weight off if she was going to move on from Joanne. Joanne didn't have a specific reason for leaving her, but maybe being a little chunky was one of them. And maybe...just maybe if she lost a few pounds and Joanne saw her in the future she'd want to take her back.

Maureen managed to finish her supper, but when they headed back to the apartment Maureen opted to walk home instead of taking the taxi.

For the next few days Maureen had no choice but to eat. Collins was always around keeping a watchful on her. It was cute in the best friend kind of way, but it was undeniably starting to get annoying.

One night after dinner, Maureen headed to the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. To anyone else Maureen was gorgeous, but right now to Maureen she was ugly. She moved over to the toilet, and sank to her knees. She grabbed her hair tie pulling her hair into a ponytail. Once ready she proceeded to put two fingers down her throat, and thus was her solution to lose weight without Collins finding out.

"So, Maureen is dressing weird and stuff." Mimi mentioned as she slid her arm through Angel's, the two walking down the street. "Baggy clothes. She was wearing one of Collins' sweaters last night when we were all at the loft. That is definitely not her style."

"I know. I'm worried. "Angel said, "Collins and I are thinking about bringing her to life support with us."

"That's a good idea, because she is starting to turn into Roger. All angst and stuff." Mimi said, "I don't like this side of Maureen."

"Me either, chica." Angel agreed. "Me either."

About a week later Collins was able to drag Maureen out to life support. However she didn't join the circle when everyone was talking, she stayed out of the way and in the back, her hands dug deep into her pockets with her head down.

When the session was over everyone headed outside, Mimi walking over to Maureen with a girl by her side.

"Maureen, hey, I want you to meet Krystal." Mimi smiled, nudging Krystal a little closer to her friend, hoping this would brighten up Maureen's spirits a little after everything that had happened with Joanne.

Maureen politely smiled, "Nice to meet you. I know you from somewhere."

"I work with Mimi." Krystal smirked.

"What brings you to life support?" Maureen asked, watching as Mimi slowly slipped away.

Krystal slyly smiled, reaching out resting her hand on Maureen's arm, "Maybe we can discuss that over dinner?"

Maureen's face fell a little, her eyes moving to see Mimi watching with hopeful eyes. She had to give Mimi credit though, she was innocently trying to set her up with someone in hopes that it would cheer her up, but unfortunately Mimi's attempt definitely failed.

"I'm sorry, but I can't." Maureen simply said and then turned around and began walking back to the apartment, avoiding the shocked expression on the girl's face.

"Maureen!" Mimi quickly caught up with her, grabbing her arm, "What happened back there?"

"I wasn't into her." Maureen shrugged.

"You don't even know her." Mimi said confused.

Maureen sighed, "Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do for me Mimi, I really do. There is just one _major_ problem with that girl and every other girl out there for that matter."

"And what's that?" Mimi asked.

"None of them are Joanne." Maureen stated and then turned and walked away.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the update delay. Life gets in the way sometimes. **

* * *

><p>Chapter 6<p>

Maureen was walking down the street one day, distracted by thoughts. She was so distracted that she didn't even hear Benny calling her name, nor did she realize she was about to cross the street when it wasn't her turn. She was looking straight ahead, but everything around her was a blur.

She placed her foot over the edge of a curb, a taxi speeding her way with no intentions of stopping. She was about to take another step forward, when a hand on her shoulder pulled her back and out of her mind.

"Maureen!"

Maureen's snapped back to reality, eyes narrowing in on Benny, "What?" She said shrugging his hand off of her shoulder, then processed to wipe her shoulder off, as if the yuppie scum had left dirt there.

"You almost just got hit by a taxi." He said motioning towards the road.

Maureen turned her head slightly to the street, seeing he was right. She let out a breath. Another thing she could hate Benny for, she was almost put out of her misery, but he had to pull her back.

"Always ruining my day, Benny." She muttered.

"What?" He asked, but then waved it off, he was sent after Maureen for another reason, "We're targeting your performance space again. Either find the money to keep it open or give it up."

Maureen ran her fingers through her hair, "I thought we've been through all this?"

"We're doing it again." He firmly stated. "We're more prepared this time if you try and protest."

Maureen looked up at him letting out a defeated breath, things just seemed to be getting worse. She finally just shrugged, "Take it."

"We have more cops-" Benny paused, finally just processing what she just said, "What?"

"Take it." Maureen said, "I don't care."

"Maureen." Benny slowly stated, "If you're planning something..."

"I'm not planning anything, just take the fucking space and leave me the fuck alone." Maureen said shoving him, and then she turned and walked away, tears singing her eyes. She would have done another protest in a heartbeat to save her performance space, but she was so distraught over Joanne, she just couldn't bring herself to care.

She didn't care about a lot of things these days, and her grumbling stomach was proving that to her, begging Maureen to feed herself. She moved to the side, resting up against a building a wave of dizziness consuming her. She closed her eyes and fought through it. When she felt okay again she headed back to Collins and Angel's apartment, glad that she found it empty, and then sprawled out on the couch. The moment her eyes shut she was asleep.

A few days later the boho's were at the loft, Mimi walking over to the couch, "So what are you going to do?" She asked Maureen.

Maureen slowly looked up, raising a brow, "Huh?"

"About Benny." Mimi added.

Angel smiled, "I bet you have big plans to stop him."

"Oh, nothing." Maureen said, "I gave it up to him."

Collins nearly spit his drink out, eyes wide, "Mo!"

Maureen jolted a little at the sudden loud voice of her best friend, looking in his direction, shrugging.

"Just a shrug? That's all you're giving me?" Collins said standing up clearly a little angry, "You have to fight for your space!"

Maureen stood up, "I don't care!" She yelled stepping close to him, "Nothing matters anymore! He can have my fucking space because I don't need it. I'm moving on from performing, I'm moving on from everything! Don't you get it!" She said shoving Collins a little, she knew he was just trying to help her, but he was honestly annoying her a lot lately, "Nothing fucking matters without Joanne!"

Collins stood shocked watching as Maureen stormed towards the door to exit. She made it about halfway, but with the lack of food and just all the stress she had been feeling she stopped, everything went black and then she passed out.

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><p><strong>I know super short! I promise you won't have to wait long for the next update!<strong> *pinky swear* ;p


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Collins was the first to spring forward when he saw Maureen crash to the floor. The other's jumped up too, but Collins reached Maureen first and gently bent down and scooped up her weightless body. He's brow creased even more with fret at how light she was in his arms. He turned around, heading back to the couch, carefully laying her down.

"Where did she go?" Collins softly asked.

Mimi looked confused, biting her lip, but not saying anything. She didn't have too anyway, because Angel knelt down beside the couch, and gently ran her fingers through Maureen's hair.

"She's here, Collins, she's just lost and heartbroken." Angel quietly answered.

"I know that. She's so...light." Collins explained, "I thought she was eating. I watch her eat."

"Bulimia?" Mark suggested.

Collins head snapped up in Mark's direction, the word stinging his ears.

"Someone go make her some toast." Angel quietly said.

Mimi nodded and headed into the kitchen to fill Angel's request.

"Maureen?" Collins softly said running his thumb gently across her forehead, now kneeling next to Angel, near Maureen's head.

Maureen whimpered and stirred. Eventually she slowly opened her eyes, her vision blurry. "What happened?" She asked her voice hoarse.

"You sort of passed out." Roger answered.

Maureen squeezed her eyes shut, her head pounding. "I need to go home."

"You're not going anywhere." Collins quickly demanded, "You're not moving. You're staying here on this couch, and we're all going to watch you eat!"

Maureen rolled her eyes, "I am eating."

"Yeah, but I bet it doesn't stay inside does it?" Collins challenged.

Angel placed a hand on Collins forearm, brushing her thumb back and forth, silently letting him know it was time to calm down. Angel then spoke, "Sweetie, your cheekbones are starting to become really defined and I bet if you took your huge sweater off we'd be able to see your ribcage." She said as politely as she could.

Maureen rolled her eyes turning away from everyone, "You don't know what you're talking about." She mumbled.

Angel sighed leaning against Collins, "Will you please eat a slice of toast?"

Just that moment Mimi walked in with a plate, heading it over to Collins, who then offered it to Maureen.

Maureen huffed, and then pushed herself up, closing her eyes for a moment due to a dizzy spell, but once that was over she reached out, grabbing a slice of toast, and took a tiny bite out of it.

"Happy?" She asked mustering up all the attitude she could.

"We said a whole slice." Collins said, pushing the plate back to her.

"Fine." Maureen rolled her eyes, picking the toast up, and slowly began to eat it.

A while later Maureen was asleep on the couch, while the others were talking quietly in the kitchen.

"She needs help." Collins said, chewing on his thumbnail, his eyes glued to Maureen.

"As much as I want to see Maureen get better, we can't exactly afford to get her help." Roger chimed in.

"Life Support?" Mark asked, his arms crossed, shrugging his shoulders when he made his suggestion.

Mimi leaned into Roger, wrapping her arms around his waist, leaning her head on his shoulder, "But would she go?"

"I guess there is only one way to find out." Collins answered.

The next day Maureen pretty much dragged her feet, while Collins and Angel guided her to the Life Support meeting.

"But I don't wanna!" Maureen whined.

Collins finally stopped dead in his tracks, turning to face Maureen, cupping her cheeks, both his hands almost swallowing her thin face, "Please Maureen. If you don't feel like getting better for yourself at this moment, then please do it for me. Do it for us." He softly said, "I hate seeing you like this Mo, it's not you. I want the old you back, the Maureen who fought for her performance space, the Maureen who broke the law, the Maureen who could eat 20 meatless meatballs. I want my best friend back!"

"But that old Maureen wasn't good enough for Joanne." Maureen whispered a tear in her eye.

"The old Maureen wouldn't have cared." Collins said, "I know you love her, but I'm sorry, she doesn't deserve you if she won't take you as you are." He lightly grinned, "You two even sang a damn song about it."

Maureen weakly smiled, leaning into his touch, "Fine, I'll go...but I'm not talking."

Collins smiled, pulling away wrapping an arm around Maureen's shoulders and one around Angel's. "Okay, that's fair."

When they got there Maureen introduced herself, but didn't say much and listened to everyone else speak. Oddly enough she almost felt envious of these people, people who were sick and dying. She creased her brow, scared for once of the thoughts going on in her mind. She shook her head, hoping she could scramble the morbid thoughts out of her brain, but it only pulled attention onto her. And that's when Paul spoke.

"Maureen? Is something wrong?" He asked, watching her.

Maureen's head snapped up, realizing the internal battle she was having with herself, also showed on the outside and she was caught. "Oh, nothing." It wasn't like she could express her thoughts, not among people with fateful diseases.

Paul shifted in his chair, his demeanour comforting and assuring, "We're all friends here."

Maureen sighed, running her fingers through her hair, uncrossing her legs, shifting uncomfortably. For someone who was normally comfortable being the center of attention, she sure wished she wasn't at this moment

"It's okay, Mo." Collins softly said reaching out and taking her hand, sending her a squeeze of courage.

"I'm heartbroken." Maureen simply said, "I'm heartbroken, miserable, hungry, self-conscious, and I may have an eating disorder. I don't think I'm good enough..." she paused realizing she might have said too much, but when she looked up at Paul and the others in the circle, they all nodded to her, giving her reassurance. "I feel all those things...and I'm ashamed." She took in a shaky breath, "Ashamed, because the moment I sat down I wished I could switch places with anyone of you."

Paul nodded, taking in what she had said, "Why do you feel that way?'

Maureen sighed looking up at everyone, "I'm sorry." She said, "I know what I'm going through is nothing compared to what you are going through. I just feel so low right now. People keep telling me things will get better, but they just seem to get worse and worse. You go through life taking care of yourself, loving yourself, until you finally find that one person you'd do anything for...and then they just walk out of your life and you can't understand why. I don't understand it. Love ...life... it doesn't make sense to me right now. Why do people have to go through pain? People say it helps you grow? Well I think that's bullshit."

"You've lost a love, Maureen it happens to a lot of people. If you don't believe me now, you should know that eventually you will heal." Paul said. "Sadness flies away on the wings of time."

"You also have time to find somebody else." Someone else spoke up, "You don't have an expiration date."

Maureen's watery eyes darted in his direction. She nodded, "I know and I'm sorry, I should be grateful for my health..." she stopped only so she could sniffle, squeezing Collins hand tightly, "Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

Everyone went silent.

"I shouldn't have come here." She whispered to Collins.

"It's okay, Maureen." One of the members said, "We're not judging. You are experience a different kind of hurt and we are all here to listen."

Angel nodded reaching out for Maureen's other hand, "Go on, honey."

Maureen bit her lip nodding. She wiped her eyes and carried on, "I never used believed in love... maybe deep down I knew it could end badly or something. It was easier just to sleep around...or break Mark's heart before he could break mine. But then I found Joanne and she totally changed everything for me. We fought a lot, but maybe that was just me trying to push her away because I knew there was a possibility it could end badly. And it did end. And now...I get why I didn't believe in love. Because I learned that I need love, I changed my life for love, I lived and breathed love, I leaned on it and now I don't have it anymore and it feels like I'm dying. And I wish I was dying, because the difference right now between death and living with the pain of heartbreak, is death ends. This heartache feels like it could go on forever."

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><p><strong>A few quotes in here that are not mine: <strong>

**_Sadness flies away on the wings of time._ - Jean de La Fontaine**

**and**

**_Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live._ - Norman Cousins**

**Also inspiration came from the show Grey's Anatomy. If any of you watch the show, you would have pick up on that in Maureen's last paragraph. :)**

**Thanks to all those who are R&Ring!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the delay - and thanks to those who are R&Ring :) **

* * *

><p>Chapter 8<p>

It was late at night and Maureen was at the performance space sitting on the edge of the stage, her feet lightly swinging back and forth. She was staring blankly at her boots, lost in deep thought, wondering when everything in her life went to shit. She was hoping that somehow life support would help, but after getting her feelings out, she stormed out of the place and went back to the apartment and cried like a baby. She was sick of crying, and ironically enough the one thing that pulled her from her thoughts was when a tear splashed on the back of her hand. Her eyes averted to the wet spot, and when she realized what it was she quickly sniffled and used the back of her hand to clean off her wet cheeks.

"Here."

Maureen's head snapped up at the deep voice, her eyes settling on Collins.

"I brought you food." He said holding up a bag of take out. "Food that will stay in your stomach and not the toilet, you understand?"

Maureen rolled her eyes, but nodded, "Yes, father."

Collins walked over setting the bag next to her. He then reached out gently grabbing her chin so they were making eye contact, "I'm serious, Maureen." He sternly said, "I'm really starting to worry about you."

Maureen watched him carefully, their eyes locked, and for the first time since Collins met Angel and became even happier than a person with a fatal disease should be, she saw the truth of how he felt, she found the sadness hidden behind all that wisdom he seemed to always carry around.

"I see it too." Collins said letting his hand drop from her chin, carrying on as if he were reading her mind, "The sadness in your once sparkling eyes."

Maureen's eyes quickly dropped and suddenly the takeout food seemed way more interesting. She reached out digging through the bag, pulling out a container of pasta.

Collins sighed, and pulled back moving to the other side of the bag and hoisting himself up on the stage, pulling out his own container. They ate in silence for a few minutes, until Maureen spoke.

"How do I get it back?" She quietly asked.

Collins turned to her, studying her slumped body, "I'm trying to figure it out." He said and then reached for her hand, "But the fact that you want to get that spark back is a pretty good start."

"I mope around all the time. I'm starting to annoy myself." She said, "It's like spending 24/7 with Roger." She added looking at Collins out of the corner of her eye, a tiny smirk hitting the corner of her mouth.

Collins smirked too, "She makes a joke."

Maureen shrugged, taking a small forkful of paste. She chewed it slowly looking around the big lot.

"It's going to be gone soon, you know...if you don't do anything." Collins stated, looking at the stage and then around the empty space.

"I don't have to do anything." Maureen said, reaching behind her and picking up a flyer. She handed it to Collins and dug into her food again, her stomach silently thanking her for the food after depriving it for so long.

Collins took the flyer looking it over, an attractive, slender, brunette woman covering most of the page, in jeans and a tank top. Her mouth was wide open and words were flowing out, 'Speak Out or Lose Out' and then on the bottom of the page were the time and place of the protest she would be holding.

"There's a new diva in town." Collins said, setting the flyer down.

Maureen shrugged, "At least someone has an idea of how to stop Benny."

"It should be your idea." Collins said.

"Well it's not." Maureen said setting her half eaten food aside and hoping off the stage. "I used to be the diva of Alphabet City and now I'm not." She said, "I guess..." She paused, "I guess nothing lasts forever."

"Mo..." Collins sighed shaking his head.

Maureen cracked a smile, but it wasn't a happy one, "What?" She shrugged, "Collins...that's life, right?" I've finally accepted it. Sometimes shitty things happen in your life and there really isn't anything you can do about it."

"You can become stronger from it."

"Okay professor, I'll try." Maureen said and turned around.

"Where are you going?" Collins asked.

"I just need...to go for a walk or something." Maureen answered.

Collins watched her disappear, shaking his head. He just hoped his best friend would get better soon. He carefully climbed off the stage, packing up the food he brought, seeing Maureen had eaten a good portion of what he had gotten, only hoping she chose to keep it down. He was just about all packed up when he heard clicking heels hitting the ground, he rose a brow turning around to see who would enter, when he caught sight of the mocha beauty, he's face fell.

"Collins?" Joanne said a flyer in the lawyer's hand, no doubt the same one he was just looking at moments ago.

"What're you doing here?" Collins asked trying to keep his tone even, but quite frankly he was a little pissed at her right now, more than a little pissed after seeing what Maureen was going through.

"I came to see...I just..." Joanne stammered, it was her job to read people and right now she read Collins' face loud and clear, she wasn't wanted here. Finally she just spit it out, "This isn't Maureen." She said holding up the flyer.

"Clever, Ms. Jefferson."

"I just thought, since Benny was at it again she would be the one too..."

Collins shook his head, taking a step closer to her, "Well she's not the one protesting. She lost her mojo if you will."

Joanne's eyes fell to the ground, taking the words like a punch in the stomach, "Oh."

"Look Jo, I can respect the fact that you don't want to be with Maureen, and you can't force your feelings for someone, but I don't respect how you broke up with her, and now you're with someone else, but-"

"I'm not." Joanne said, slowly looking back up, "I'm not with anyone else. Fiona and I...didn't really work out. Behind the fine dining and our love for curling up with a good book, she's actually sort of a bitch."

Collins only paused for a second nodding, but then carried on, "Well...besides all that, you really hurt Maureen, and you can't just show up here expecting to talk to her and be friends. I don't know about you, but Maureen isn't healed yet and seeing you will only make things worse."

Joanne bit her bottom lip, nodding, "I know. I guess I don't know what I was thinking. She even said she couldn't be friends with me. I just...I don't know what I was thinking." She said letting out a breath.

"I'm sorry things ended up like this." Collins softly said.

"Me too." Joanne said tears stinging her eyes. She turned on her heels, heading for the door, dropping the flyer into a trashcan, "I guess maybe...I just miss her." She whispered the last part and then left the building.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"_Pookie, I'm cold." Maureen murmured, curling into Joanne's side, nuzzling her nose into Joanne's neck. "Why do you have to sleep with the window open?" _

"_It's nice out. The cool breeze soothes me to sleep." Joanne quietly answered wrapping an arm around Maureen's shoulders, tugging her closer. _

_Maureen pulled the blanket more tightly around herself and then rested her hand on Joanne's flat stomach. "I just think it's an excuse to get me to snuggle closer to you." she said with a playfully smirk. _

_Joanne smiled, running her fingers through Maureen's hair, "Maybe." _

"_As long as you keep me warm then you can keep it open." Maureen said through a yawn, her eyes fluttering shut. _

"_I think I can handle that." Joanne replied, kissing the top of her head. _

Joanne's eyes snapped open, the breeze from outside blowing through her open window and over her body, making her shiver. She groaned, getting out of bed, shutting the window. She sighed heading back over to bed and climbing under the covers. Sleeping with the window open just wasn't the same to Joanne since she didn't have Maureen to cuddle with. She didn't realize that without Maureen, she was actually freezing.

Joanne squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force Maureen out of her head, why was she thinking about her so much lately. She shook her head, grabbing a pillow and pulling it over her. She then turned on her side and forced herself to sleep.

Xxx

A few weeks later Maureen was out for a walk when the flyer she had showed Collins a few weeks ago caught her attention. She looked at it for a few seconds and then made her way over to the performance space, wanting to see what was going on. When she walked in the building she found a young woman on the stage setting up some equipment.

Maureen softly smiled, walking a little closer to the stage, "You need to get people to do that for you."

The girl on stage jolted upright, cocking an eyebrow and turning towards Maureen. "Pardon?"

"You're supposed to have people set up for you." Maureen lightly teased, remembering when she talked Mark and Joanne into setting up all her equipment for her. She was the star of the show after all, she shouldn't of had to do any of that stuff...not like she would know how to anyway.

"Oh I don't hav-" The girl paused midsentence, squinting her eyes, and then in seconds they went wide again, "Maureen...Maureen Johnson?"

"The one and only." She smirked, coming closer.

The girl quickly hopped off the stage, making it over to Maureen in just seconds, "Hi, my name is Ella. I'm a huge fan." She quickly said.

Maureen lightly laughed, shaking her hand, seeing the spark in her eyes, and energy she seemed to be bouncing with, she missed having that. "Nice to meet you."

"May I ask why you aren't throwing another protest? Your first one was amazing...your riot made it on TV." She said, "Not only that, but you were able to save this place...well at least for a little while."

Maureen shrugged looking around, "I don't need to. You seem to have it covered."

"But you...I mean...it's you!" She said.

"I get it." Maureen said, walking over and leaning against the stage, "I just...don't have it in me right now."

"But why?" Ella asked, turning around and following Maureen.

"Personal." Maureen said turning to look at her, "But it looks like you have a great set up here."

"I guess." Ella said, "If I could only get the mic to work."

Maureen smirked, "I may know a guy." She said pushing off the stage and into an upright position.

"Really? Thanks." She said, watching Maureen curiously. "You seem different from when you were up here."

Maureen's face fell a little, "How so?"

"You were practically radiating with energy during the protest. Now you just seem...like something is missing." She answered.

Maureen sighed, "I had something to fight for back then."

"You don't now?" Ella asked.

"I don't." Maureen honestly answered, her eyes finding the ground. "I had it. I feel like I had everything, but I guess nothing lasts forever."

"You're giving up?" She asked

"I'm not-"Maureen's head shot up to finish her sentence, "I'm not giving up."

"But that's what it sounds like and looks like." She said turning back to the stage and climbing on up. "If you have nothing to fight for right now...then find something to fight for. It doesn't seem like you have anything to lose other than your mind."

"Excuse me?"

"To me, a fellow protester, you're a legend." Ella said turning around her hands on her hips, "But right now you don't seem very legendary."

"I'm still legendary." Maureen practically pouted.

"Well the date to my protest is coming quick and I need a few more ideas. If you're so legendary, help me?" She asked.

Maureen sighed, running her fingers through her hair, not sure if she should be offended or not. Finally she nodded and agreed, "Fine. Okay. I'll come by here tomorrow. I'll bring Mark so he can fix your stupid microphone."

"Great." Ella smiled. "See you tomorrow." She said.

Over the next few days, while Mark was sucked into helping with the technical stuff, Maureen helped Ella out with the creative stuff.

"So, what's his story?" Ella asked Maureen quietly nodding to Mark.

Maureen quickly looked up from the paper she was writing idea's on and back down, "My ex. He films everything, nice guy."

"Oh, your ex, so he's off limits then?"

Maureen couldn't help but lightly laugh, looking up at her, "He is definitely not off limits. In fact I encourage you to pursue him."

"Thanks." Ella smiled looking back over at Mark, waving brightly causing Mark to blush and dive back into his work. "So he's not the reason for your..." She waved a hand in front of Maureen's face, "Whatever this is...gloominess."

Maureen swatted her hand away, "What? No, my ex-girlfriend is the cause of this."

"What happened?" Ella asked

Maureen let out a breath, "I don't even know or want to talk about it. I'm trying to push it in the past."

"Okay. I understand." Ella said nodding. "It'll take time."

"So I've been told." Maureen mumbled. "I feel like I've been waiting for forever." She said letting out a breath, "I want to be...I just I want to be like how I used to be...like how you are, carefree, my heart still in once piece."

"Well sitting around and moping isn't going to help, is it?" She said.

Maureen studied her for a second, "You're really blunt...I'm not sure I like it." She said playfully nudging her and then closed the notebook that was in her lap. "Okay, this is pretty much all the idea's I have, just put it all together and you have a show."

Ella smiled, "Thanks, Maureen."

Maureen nodded, standing up and pulling her coat on, "Thank you..." she added.

Ella raised a brow, "For what?"

"This...has been the first entire day where I haven't thought about Joanne once." She said, "Well until just a few minutes ago, but that's a new record for me."

Ella shrugged, "Oh well you're welcome then." She smiled, turning to look back at Mark wiggling her eyebrows, "Now wish me luck."

Maureen shook her head, smirking, "Good luck." She said watching as Ella made her way over to her ex-boyfriend. She then turned and headed back to the apartment.

"Hey, Mo." Collins said looking up from the stack of papers he was grading, "How goes the protest?"

"It goes well." Maureen said, grabbing a beer from the fridge and sitting down across from the professor. "I...I...went almost all day without thinking about Joanne."

"Oh?" Collins said his brows shooting up with surprise. "And?"

"I didn't feel so ...sad." Maureen stated, "Well until Ella started asking why I was so gloomy or whatever, but before all that I was helping her with her protest and I felt... okay."

"That's good." Collins said, "That's really good."

"I know." Maureen said standing up, "I think I need to find something, something to keep my mind off of things."

"You'll figure it out." Collins said.

Maureen nodded letting out a breath, "I'll figure it out." She repeated.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It was a Friday night when Maureen entered the loft, holding fliers in her hand, "Hope you guys don't have plans for tomorrow night." She said while handing them out to everyone.

"Oh we'll be there." Collins said grabbing the paper from her hand, him and Angel reading it over, "I still think it should have been you holding it."

Maureen shrugged, "I helped out at least." She said. "And Mark got a little girlfriend out of it." She teased lightly poking the filmmaker in the ribs.

Mark lightly jumped, wrapping his arms around himself, "She isn't my girlfriend..."

Mimi smiled brightly, her legs resting across Roger's lap, "Yet."

A blush crept onto Mark's face, his cheeks lightly flushing. "I'm not getting my hopes up." He stated heading towards the kitchen a paper airplane hitting the back of his head as he went. "Hey..." He softly whined, rubbing the back of his head and turning around to see Roger hiding his face in Mimi's neck. He just rolled his eyes and helped himself to a can of diet coke.

"Nice shot." Collins chuckled high fiving Roger.

"Thanks." Roger smirked coming out from his hiding spot.

Mimi playfully rolled her eyes, pressing a kiss to his temple, "So Life Cafe tomorrow before the show?"

"Um, well I told Ella I'd be there before the show started to help her add a few last touches, but after?" Maureen asked.

"Sounds good to me." Collins agreed.

The next night there was a full crowd at the protest. Maureen was finishing a few things behind the curtain they had set up, and when she was done she decided to peek through. Her eyes landed on the crowd all eager and ready for the protest to start, and it sent a spark through her, one she hadn't felt in a while. Even if it was just for a brief second it made her feel good, and for that second a bit of her old self found her, but as quickly as it came, it disappeared and she closed the curtain and turned around to face a pacing Ella.

"Hey!" Maureen greeted walking over to her with as much as a warm smile as she could muster up. She stood in front of her, blocking her path of anymore pacing and put her hands on her shoulders, "Listen...you're going to do great. Just remember those people out there are fighting for the same thing you are, so they're all going to be on your side."

Ella took in a shaky breath, nodding, "I know." She let the breath out, locking eyes with Maureen, "You should do it."

Maureen shook her head, "No, no, no. This is your protest, plus...I don't have...I just...I'm missing something and you have it, so you go out there and save our space."

"Okay, okay...okay." Ella nodded, "Okay...let's do it now or else I'm going to back out."

Maureen nodded, "I'll go open the curtain's." She smiled, patting her shoulder, and then heading off stage.

The curtain's opened and the protest began and just like Maureen's it was hit, but the ending took a turn for the worse and all hell broke loose. Maureen's eyes went wide; panicking because she wasn't standing with the boho's and was by herself. She snapped back into reality when she was bumped a few times by random people trying to flee the building. Luckily for her she knew her way around this place and knew of another way out, a way so she wouldn't get trampled.

She pushed her way to the back, finding a woman being pressed up against the wall as people scurried about, trying not to get caught by police. She sighed, shaking her head, but she pushed her way to the woman, not looking as she grabbed her hand, "Just follow me." She shouted over the chaos and tugged the stranger along with her and behind the stage, and finally out into the back alley, free of people.

"Thanks, Maureen."

Maureen froze, her hand dropping the woman's, her eyes wide, too stunned to turn around, but her voice seemed to be working, "Joanne?"

"I...uh yeah." Joanne said her voice catching in her throat.

"What're you...?" She paused, her mouth suddenly dry. She swallowed trying to get her body to function again, also trying to decide if she wanted to turn around and face the lawyer, not sure how it would make her feel even though it had been some time since their break up. "Why are you here?" She asked, still facing straight ahead, her fingers running nervously through her hair.

Joanne bit her lip before she spoke, her eyes fluttering to the ground, "I just... I wanted to support this."

Maureen's fingers balled into fists, emotions coursing through her. She finally spun around, facing Joanne, getting hit with even more feelings, "I..." she shook her head, words unable to form.

"That should have been you...up there." Joanne said locking eyes with Maureen for a moment and then looking away.

"Yeah..." Maureen whispered the yelling and screaming now echoing down the alley they were in. Maureen turned her head to look out at the opening, seeing people running by, "We have to get out of here before the cops come. I know they can't hold us that long, but I'd rather not be stuck in jail with you."

A jolt of pain went through Joanne, slightly nodding, "I guess I deserve that."

"Come on." Was all Maureen said brushing passed Joanne and leading her in the opposite direction of the commotion and to a safer area, the awkward 5 minute walk full of silence. When they reached the street Maureen stopped, "You can catch a cab here and take it back to your apartment."

"Thanks." Joanne said, hailing one as it approached this interaction with Maureen not going as she imagined it would.

"Maureen!"

The two girls both jumped turning down the street finding Collins and Roger rushing over.

"Thank God." Collins said, "Come on-" He paused eyeing Joanne, "Oh."

"Hey, Jo." Roger nodded, his hands stuffed in his coat pockets. Joanne politely smiled, happy to see Roger again. Angel, Mimi and Mark still visited her sometimes, but she hadn't seen Roger in a while, it was nice to see him again, so nice she even wanted to give him a hug, but she knew that'd be a little too weird.

Collins wrapped an arm around Maureen's waist, "I thought they got you."

Maureen faintly smirked shaking her head, "Nope."

"Anyway." Joanne said walking to the cab, opening the door, "It was nice...seeing you guys again." She said her eyes fully on Maureen.

"You too." Maureen whispered, leaning into Collins, "Bye."

"Bye." Joanne said turning to the cab.

"Come on everyone is waiting at the Life Cafe." Collins said tugging Maureen with him.

"Yeah and it's cold." Roger said already heading in the direction of the restaurant.

Joanne still hadn't slid into the cab yet, her mind running a mile a minute, finally she turned around, "Maureen!"

All three of them stopped. Roger was a little bit ahead, so he leaned against the wall of a building and lit a cigarette, Collins still had a protective arm wrapped around Maureen's waist, and Maureen wasn't sure what to do.

"We can keep walking." Collins said looking down at her.

Maureen let out a breath shaking her head, finally just pulling away from Collins and turning to face the direction of Joanne, raising a brow, cueing her to carrying on with whatever she had to say.

"I miss you." Joanne blurted stepping back onto the sidewalk, "I'm sorry."

Maureen nodded, putting her head in her hands, her eyes teary, "I... can't do this right now, Joanne." She said her voice hitching, "I..." she paused, biting her lip, fighting back tears, "My friends are waiting. I have to go." She finally just stated turned around and walked off, grabbing the cigarette that was hanging from Roger's mouth as she did, inhaling deeply.

Joanne was left there watching her go, her own tears running down her face. She avoided Collins' look and turned around, getting into the cab and telling the driver to quickly go.

Later at the Life Cafe Collins watched as Maureen put on a show, fake smile included. After the crowd died down, Maureen went to the bathroom, Collins following her, waiting outside the bathroom door, actually trying to listen to hear if she was throwing up her dinner assuming this run in with Joanne would send her back to step one. Just as he leaned in to get a better listen the bathroom door opened up and he came face to face with Maureen.

"Hey creeper." Maureen said with an amused yet confused smirk on her face. "Does listening to someone pee turn you on or something?"

Collins blushed, at that moment admitting to himself that he was probably getting a little out of hand with keeping an eye on Maureen. "No, I...sorry, Mo. I was just making sure-"

"I wasn't throwing up my food?" Maureen said rolling her eyes, "What, because I saw Joanne?"

"Well ...yeah." Collins answered truthfully.

"It's okay." Maureen said, "I've gotten over that with the help of you guys and Life Support." She said, "I'm okay." She said, looking up at him, and then adding, "Well I'm not okay, but I'm not like...harming myself anymore."

"Good." Collins said. "Come have a beer?"

Maureen sighed not really in the mood. She got her fill of the evening: protest, riot, Joanne, acting like she was happy in front of her friends. All she wanted to do was go home and sleep. And that's when Roger stepped in and became her new favourite person of the night.

"I'm heading back to the loft." Roger said walking over while pulling his coat on, "Maureen if you don't want to stay..." he trailed.

Maureen looked up at him, nodding right away. "Yes. I'll crash there tonight if you don't mind."

He nodded, "Collins bring Mimi home safe? And make sure Mark goes home with Ella." He playfully added nodding over to where Mark and Ella were being extra friendly with each other.

Collins grinned nodding, "You can count on me."

After saying goodbye, Roger and Maureen headed back to the loft. Maureen found some old clothes of hers from when she lived there and then sprawled out on the couch.

"Here." Roger said tossing a blanket at her.

"Thanks." Maureen said, "And thanks for getting me out of there."

"No problem." He shrugged, "I know what it's like to not be in the mood to be around anyone." He said, "You're a hell of an actor."

"I think I took the moody look away from you for too long." She teased.

Roger lightly smirked, "It does get better. I know everyone has been saying that to you, but it does. Something good will come along."

"I feel like Joanne was my something good." Maureen said.

"She could be." Roger said shrugging, "You never know what's going to happen, right? Somehow Joanne could come back into your life, or you could meet a new something good. I did."

Maureen nodded, "Yeah I guess."

Roger pursed his lips, not sure what else to say.

"Thanks." Maureen softly smirked. "Again."

Roger smirked, "Good night, Mo."

"Good night." Maureen said, listening as he headed off to his room and shut the door.

Maureen laid there staring at the ceiling a few tears slipping from her eyes, and just when she thought it was going to be a sleepless night, she closed her eyes and she was out faster than ever.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Wow Maureen, you look different." Mimi smiled looking up at her as she entered the loft.

Maureen softly smirked, raising a brow, "Different good or different bad?"

Mimi stood up and walking over, giving her a hug, "Different good." She said squeezing her, "You look healthy and feel healthy."

"She feels healthy?" Roger questioned.

"I think what Mimi is trying to say is, she feels fuller." Angel clarified, her and Collins walking in the loft behind her. "She put back on a healthy amount of weight."

"Oh, right." Roger nodded, studying Maureen for a moment, "I agree."

Maureen smiled, "Well thank you. I feel better."

"Does it have to do with the play you're staring in tomorrow night?" Mark asked,

Maureen nodded talking a seat on the couch beside Roger, "It's been two months. I'm ready to perform this already."

"I'm kind of excited to see you do Shakespeare." Collins smirked, taking a seat in one of chairs.

Maureen shrugged, "It's tough, but I'm pretty sure I have it down."

"I guess we'll find out tomorrow night." Mark said.

"I'll bring the tomatoes." Roger teased, earning a light slap from Maureen.

...

The next night, Maureen successfully performed in A Midsummer Night's Dream, the entire cast was awarded with a standing ovation and after they were out in the lobby greeting their friends and family, Maureen spotted the Boho's right away.

She greeted everyone with hugs, and then eyed Mimi who was looking a little nervous.

"What's up Meems?" Maureen asked.

Mimi shook her head, biting the edge of her thumb nail.

"Mimi." Maureen sternly asked.

"I may have... invited Joanne." She stated.

"You _may_ have?" She questioned

Mimi nodded, sighing, "Come on Maureen, she clearly still cares about you! And when I told her you were doing this play she was all proud and wanted to come see it." She said her eyes quickly glancing over Maureen's shoulder, and then back to Maureen.

Maureen ran her fingers through her hair, looking over her shoulder, making eye contact with Joanne. She sighed looking back at Mimi.

"What do I do?" Maureen asked.

"You could...go say hi?" Mark suggested.

"If you're comfortable with that." Collins quickly added.

Maureen sighed, biting her lip. She slowly turned back around Joanne was still standing there. Maureen nodded, squaring her shoulders, and finally walked over towards her ex-lover.

"Hey." Maureen said.

Joanne smiled, "Hey, Mimi told me...and I, well, you just, you were great, Maureen."

Maureen shyly smiled, "Thanks, Joanne."

Joanne nodded, "So, I was just wondering, I know things are weird, but I don't want them to be weird anymore and I think we should, or if you would like too, we should go out for coffee or something sometime?"

Maureen slowly looked up, nodding, "I...yeah okay."

Joanne smirked, "Great, tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." Maureen nodded.

...

The next day Maureen and Joanne were awkwardly sitting across from each other, both of them trying to think of something to say.

"So why Hermia?" Joanne suddenly asked.

"Huh?" Maureen asked caught off guard by the sudden question, but then it finally registered, "Oh, I was just feeling in tune with the character or something. Self-conscious because the person she loved didn't love her in return." She answered, biting her lip, not meaning for it to be a zing towards Joanne, but it was the truth.

Joanne's face faltered, but she nodded, "But it had nothing to do with the way she looked, it was because of the love potion."

"I know." Maureen said, shrugging.

"Well you were amazing. A true actress." Joanne said.

"Thank you." Maureen said again, "So how have you been?"

"I've been well." Joanne answered, her eyes glancing to the cup of coffee sitting in front of her, "Besides one thing." She paused, "I miss you, like crazy."

Maureen looked up, her eyes however were dark, "Welcome to the past year of my life."

"I know, I know." Joanne quickly stated, "I'm sorry."

Maureen sighed letting out a breath, "Why now?"

"Things would happen and I'd be like, oh I can't wait to tell Maureen about this, she'll love it, or just old memories would pop up in my head, and I'd want to recreate them, and not just with anyone, but with you." Joanne said. "Things aren't the same without you. I know it took me way too long to realize it, but I do realize it now. And I feel like such an idiot for letting you go."

"Well who says I haven't let you go?" Maureen asked sitting straight up in her chair crossing her arms over her chest, "It took me so long to finally become strong again and now you're sitting across from me, telling me you miss me? After breaking my heart, shattering it into pieces, you expect me to just take you back?"

"Yes, well... no. I don't know." Joanne said, her hands starting to shake. "I'd do anything to make it up to you."

Maureen let out a breath her head spinning, "This is too much." She said putting her head in her hands.

"What? Sorry. I'm sorry." Joanne said,

"Just shhh." Maureen said shaking her head, taking a moment to pull herself together, "First you don't want me for no reason at all, and you go and fuck that Fiona bitch, and then after all this depressing shit I've been through, you all of a sudden want me back."

"I know it sounds bad, Maureen." Joanne sighed, "Ugh, this didn't turn out at all like how I planned."

Maureen let out a bitter laugh, "I've been waiting for you to come back to me the day you left." She said shaking her head, "a few months ago I would have taken you back in an instant and now I don't know what to do."

Joanne's face fell, but she knew she deserved this.

"I just need too...I need to think." Maureen said standing up.

Joanne nodded, "Yeah okay."

"I'll talk to you later, okay." Maureen said putting money down on the table, grabbing her things and leaving.

...

Later that night Maureen was pacing in front of Mimi, Angel and Collins.

"She just can't do that!" Maureen said, and then stopped eyeing the three of them, "Can she do that?" She asked, but didn't give them time to answer, "I went through hell after she left and now she just walks back into my life telling me that she misses me?"

"She can do that." Mimi said,

"No she can't." Collins countered.

"She did do that." Angel said, "She loves you."

"Yeah, but it's not fair." Maureen said, "I went through all of that and now...she just walks back in so easily." She said tears in her eyes, flopping down in a chair, "And I want to let her back in so easily. But what if she hurts me again?"

"I don't think she would." Angel said.

"She doesn't deserve to get you back so easily though." Collins said.

"I know, Collins." Maureen said, "But when she's the one thing I wish for every night before I go to bed, I want to give it to her that easily." She sighed, putting her head in her hands, "I hate this. I'm just so confused."

"I know." Collins said rubbing her back, "You'll figure it out." He whispered.

XXXXXX

**Sorry. I don't like how it takes me so long to update this story. I'm just finding it hard now that it's almost coming to an end. **


	12. Chapter 12

**This is the last chapter.**

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Chapter 12

"Maureen." Collins called walking into the living room, seeing the dazed out brunette sitting on the couch, "Maureen?"

"She's thinking about Joanne leave her alone." Angel smirked coming to stand next to Collins, giving him a playful nudge.

Maureen slowly turned to look up at them, raising a brow, all thoughts of Joanne vanishing from her mind, "What?"

"We're going to The Life Cafe now, are you coming?" Collins asked.

Maureen ran her fingers through her hair, standing up, "Yes, I need to get out of here."

"Good." Collins smiled, reaching out to pull her along, Angel looping her arm through Maureen's free arm.

During the walk over to the restaurant Angel and Collins were happily chatting away while Maureen had yet again slipped into her own mind, but this time Angel didn't let her get to far away, and brought her back to the real world.

"Okay, honey, since she has been consistently on your mind for the past week, and we know you have been trying to make up your mind about whether or not you should give Joanne a second chance, I have a question for you that might help put things in better perspective for you." Angel said, pulling Collins and Maureen to a stop, "So hypothetically, it's sometime in the future, it's the biggest day of your life, you're winning an award or something-"

"What kind of award?" Maureen cut in her curiosity getting the best of her.

Angel smirked, shrugging, "Whatever you want, maybe you're getting a Tony award." She said, watching Maureen's eyes light up a little, "Or you have successfully performed another protest, one that has such a big impact it is shown worldwide and you're getting ready for an interview that will be shown on evey channel."

Maureen smiled, "Okay okay, so it's a big night, go on."

Angel nodded, "Right, it's the biggest night of your life, so in this future who do you see next to you?"

"Well that's simple. All of you guys." Maureen replied and Collins stood next to her with a smile.

"Well of course we'd all be there to support you. But who's sitting next to you. You only get to bring one person to the award show or who's sitting next to you on the couch holding your hand while you watch the news about your hypothetical life changing protest?"

Maureen's eyebrows creased together with confusion, the question sinking in as the meaning of Angel's theoretical question just got deeper. "Oh..."

Angel leaned in, pressing a kiss to Maureen's cheek, reaching out for Collins' hand, letting Maureen ponder that, "Come on I'm hungry!"

Maureen nodded, turning to follow, "I need a drink..."

During the evening, even though Angel's question was still burning in her mind, she started out doing a pretty good job at not letting it take her out of her reality, and she was able to enjoy time with the boho's, however as she kept drinking and drinking, her mind began to slip to that place of thought and as she stumbled a little from the bar back to the table, she plopped down in the empty seat next to Mark.

"So would you..." Maureen began hiccupping a little, "Would you have given me a second chance?"

Mark turned to her, reaching for the beer Maureen was holding and setting it on the table, "Pardon?" he asked, even though he knew perfectly well where this conversation was heading.

"Back in the day when I was a bitch, would you have taken me back?" Maureen asked.

"I did." Mark honestly replied, "Don't you remember the first time I caught you making out with someone else?" he asked,

"But I never slept with that guy!" Maureen quickly fired back.

"But you slept with Joanne and I still stayed with you longer than I should have." Mark admitted watching Maureen's face fall. "Maureen, I-"

"It's okay." Maureen said shaking her head, pausing a minute, her gazing shifting to her hands, sobering up just a little, "Why?" She whispered, "Why'd you stay with me through that?"

"Because I was head over heels in love with you." Mark said, "I would have done anything to keep you. Love is a funny thing I guess. When you have feelings for someone, strong feelings it's just not something you give up on. I loved you enough to want to try and fix things. I loved you enough to want to make it work and try and have a forever with you. But sometimes you have to know when to walk away, even if it's the hardest thing you ever have to do."

Maureen finally glanced up at him, her eyes sincere, "I'm sorry."

Mark nodded with a smile, reaching out placing a hand on her shoulder, "I know. I forgive you. Things worked out anyway." He said nodding over to Ella his new girlfriend who was talking to Mimi, "I couldn't be happier. Things have a funny way of working out like that, if you just let them."

"She's your person?" Maureen smiled.

"It's kind of early to tell, but I hope she turns out to be." Mark smirked.

Maureen let out a breath sighing, "How'd you know it was time to walk away from me?"

Mark looked away for a moment, and then proceeded to answer, "When I saw you with Joanne. There was just something different about you. It was a good different, something I couldn't ever bring out and Joanne somehow did." He shrugged. "Like now...you just seem lost or something without her and I've spoken with Jo, she seems lost too."

"Yeah..." Maureen said standing up, "It because she's my person." She said grabbing her coat and sliding it over her shoulders, in her drunken state everything starting to slowly click for her, "I have to go."

Mark quickly stood with her, "Is that a good idea, maybe Ella and I can walk you home?"

Maureen shook her head, "I'm not going home." She said, catching the rest of the group's attention.

"Where are you going?" Collins asked standing up as well.

"It's Joanne." Maureen said her eyes landing on Angel, "The answer to your trick question." She said, "It's Joanne I see standing next to me."

Angel smiled bursting out of her chair and hugging Maureen, "I knew it."

Maureen playfully rolled her eyes, trying to pull away but Mimi came up behind her hugging her as well, trapping her between Angel.

"Go make things better again, I miss MoJo!" Mimi smiled.

"Okay I will, but like let go of me so I can." Maureen said shaking her head.

Angel and Mimi pulled away, sending Maureen on her way.

It was close to midnight when Joanne jolted from her sleep due to a pounding on her door. She blinked a few times sitting up on the couch, where she had fallen asleep after watching some Lifetime movie on TV. She pulled the blanket over her shoulders, picking up her pace when there was more frantic knocking, "Okay okay, I'm coming." She said, stopping dead in her tracks when she reached the door and realized what time it was, "Wait, who is it!"

"It's me." Maureen replied.

Joanne quickly unlocked the door and pulled it open shocked to see Maureen standing in front of her, after everything Maureen was the last person she expected to see standing before her.

"Sorry it's late, I was just out and Angel asked me this stupid question and then I was talking with Mark and that mixed with alcohol started to get me thinking and the answer ended up being you of course." Maureen ranted.

Joanne just nodded, not comprehending anything, but she moved aside to let Maureen in and shut and locked the door again, "Okay, why don't you go have a seat on the couch and I'll get you some water and you can try and explain to me what you just said over again."

Maureen only nodded and headed to the living room. A few minutes later Joanne entered the living room, handing Maureen a bottle of water. She took the seat next to Maureen and shut off the TV.

"So...the answer was me?" Joanne asked hoping Maureen would be able to clarify herself better.

"It's you Joanne." Maureen said, "It's you I see in the future. After everything, I don't know what it is, but if you're willing to try and fix things then I am too. I don't want to walk away yet."

Joanne was more than thrilled to hear that Maureen had arrived at this conclusion, but she aired her concern, "Yet?"

"Poor choice of a word." Maureen stated rolling her eyes, "I'm not ready to walk away from you." She said reaching out for Joanne's hand. "I still love you and I hope that this break you were on from me was the only one you-"

Maureen had no choice but to stop talking since Joanne had cut her off with a kiss.

"That break was stupid." Joanne whispered running her fingers through Maureen's hair, brushing some of it out of her face and tucking it behind her ear, "I don't even know what I was thinking. It was silly and I-"

This time it was Maureen's turn to cut Joanne off with a kiss, she being the bold one and sliding her tongue into the mix, slipping her arms around Joanne's waist and pressing into her, remembering how much she loved the warmth of being so close to Joanne. Joanne reciprocated those feelings, moving closer to Maureen, her fingers inching up the back of her neck and tangling in her hair. They kissed for as long as they could, before air was needed.

"I've missed you." Joanne whispered, the both of them still close, so when she spoke their lips would brush together. "Stay the night."

Maureen pressed a quick kiss to her lips, "Okay." She breathed, pressing another one and another until Joanne was lying on her back and she was on top of her.

The two spent the night relearning their bodies, and rekindling their relationship, whenever their lips weren't busy kissing other lips, or whatever exposed skin they could find, they were talking, or laughing, and just finally making things right.

The next morning they lay tangled in a blanket, Joanne pressing light kisses up Maureen's arm, neck and then ending on her lips, "Morning."

"So tired." Maureen mumbled, her eyes sleepily gazing into Joanne's.

"Me too." Joanne said, "Sleep for a bit and then go meet everyone?"

Maureen nodded, using what energy she had left to snuggle into Joanne, nuzzling her nose in her mocha skin, inhaling deeply and then relaxing into her, letting her body win and finally sleep. Joanne pulled her in closer and soon she too was asleep.

A few hours later at the loft Collins stood in front of Joanne, arms crossed, face serious.

"Is he going to kill her?" Roger whispered to Mimi, watching the interaction.

"Repeat it again." Collins said to Joanne.

"Collins..." Maureen whined, but she was smiling because she was secretly loving how he was being all protective over her, and as much as she loved Joanne, she deserved his protective ways before Collins let her back into The Boho's.

"I'm sorry, I was stupid and selfish, and I don't know what I was thinking. I love Maureen with all my heart and I would do anything to protect her. I realize and understand that you don't fully trust me yet and it will take time to regain your trust, but I promise you that I will get it back. Maureen is so worth it. I realize how worth it and you bet your ass I will prove how worth it she really is."

Collins finally nodded, smirking slightly and then heading back to the couches.

"It's a start." Angel smiled giving Joanne a hug, guiding her to the couch.

"Whoa..." Maureen said grabbing Joanne's arm and pulling her out of Angel's grip. "We can't stay."

"But we want to catch up..." Mimi said from behind Angel.

"So do we." Maureen said wrapping her arms around Joanne's waist from behind, "We have a lot to talk about."

"Yeah probably in bed." Roger teased.

Maureen smirked, "Don't hate."

"Maureen..." Joanne giggled, resting her hands over Maureen's, but she wasn't denying that she wanted to spend some alone time with Maureen.

"Fine, go." Angel said, "Go make MoJo happen."

"Oh we will." Maureen said, "Bye!" she waved, both her and Joanne all but running to the exit.

Once outside Joanne pulled Maureen to a stop and into her arms.

"I love you." Joanne smiled pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

"I love you too." Maureen smiled

The End

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**So there you have it. Sorry if it felt really rushed, I just didn't want to leave it unfinished, stuff like that bothers me. And I'm also sorry it took me forever to update and finish this story, I hope you still enjoyed it though! Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! :) **

**Special shout out to _EmZ711 _for the idea/concept of the story! I hope you enjoyed it lots! :) **


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